A few thoughts I wrote down on 8/5/13 regarding events on 8/4/13...
I genuinely surprised myself yesterday. I thought I would never beat the half marathon PR which I set three years ago. But, I proved myself wrong. Very wrong. I proved to myself that there are accomplishments I thought to be impossible, yet, are indeed possible.
Yesterday was about more than simply just running a race. It meant much more. It was an opportunity to both struggle and succeed. It was both painful and amazing.
The Struggle:
The pain is easier to articulate; and of course, easier still to relate to because everyone experiences it. There's a point in every race (or just a place and time in life) when everything hurts. Your entire body is screaming at you, pleading with you to stop or slow down. Your body tells you it's time to tap out, time to call it a day. You can't focus on anything except the torture you're enduring. It's tough to breathe. None of your senses seem to be working. Many people understand this experience to be, "hitting the wall". However, you don't think this is "hitting the wall" because you simply can't think at all. You're breaking down. Life is miserable. Your body is in panic-mode. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. There's not even a tunnel. There's a vast empty void where there used to live your last shred of hope to continue. Until...
The Beauty
You see this moment for what it is. This is not a moment of weakness, but a moment of truth. In this moment you are able to define yourself. You call the shots. You determine who you are at your very core, your essential being. Then, you have an epiphany. Not just one, you have a thousand epiphanies a thousand times over. Yes, in this moment you understand. You come to a profound understanding that in this darkest of moments, you can shine your brightest light. Oddly, rock-bottom is a proving ground that you can use as a positive. You can reach greatness beyond measure... so, you do. You love and appreciate this moment. You know it is in this very moment that you grow superior compared to your former self. You break through. No thoughts of pain, or torture, or the blah blah blah whatever that gave you trouble in the past. You're still in the same moment as before, yet you're stronger and wiser. You find everything is better, you are better. You are awestruck because in this moment, everything is beautiful. And so, you triumph forward.
During the race (and in life) this moment is played out constantly. Rinse and repeat. However, it isn't until later (sometimes much later, if at all) that we can reflect and point at this experience to summarize its role. Furthermore to add to all the confusion, the experience serves a different meaning to different people. Someone could focus on the pain and miss the memo on all the positive. Someone could focus on the glaring metaphor and what it means that the pain and the limits, which we obey and follow the strictest, are often wrongly self-imposed. Someone could focus on the personal growth, the journey of self-discovery through overcoming obstacles. Someone could focus on the false dichotomy of the simultaneous toil and triumph.
Whatever the focus or the lesson learned, this experience inherently helps to understand aspects of the human condition. The experience is the beautiful struggle.
I genuinely surprised myself yesterday. I thought I would never beat the half marathon PR which I set three years ago. But, I proved myself wrong. Very wrong. I proved to myself that there are accomplishments I thought to be impossible, yet, are indeed possible.
Yesterday was about more than simply just running a race. It meant much more. It was an opportunity to both struggle and succeed. It was both painful and amazing.
The Struggle:
The pain is easier to articulate; and of course, easier still to relate to because everyone experiences it. There's a point in every race (or just a place and time in life) when everything hurts. Your entire body is screaming at you, pleading with you to stop or slow down. Your body tells you it's time to tap out, time to call it a day. You can't focus on anything except the torture you're enduring. It's tough to breathe. None of your senses seem to be working. Many people understand this experience to be, "hitting the wall". However, you don't think this is "hitting the wall" because you simply can't think at all. You're breaking down. Life is miserable. Your body is in panic-mode. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. There's not even a tunnel. There's a vast empty void where there used to live your last shred of hope to continue. Until...
The Beauty
You see this moment for what it is. This is not a moment of weakness, but a moment of truth. In this moment you are able to define yourself. You call the shots. You determine who you are at your very core, your essential being. Then, you have an epiphany. Not just one, you have a thousand epiphanies a thousand times over. Yes, in this moment you understand. You come to a profound understanding that in this darkest of moments, you can shine your brightest light. Oddly, rock-bottom is a proving ground that you can use as a positive. You can reach greatness beyond measure... so, you do. You love and appreciate this moment. You know it is in this very moment that you grow superior compared to your former self. You break through. No thoughts of pain, or torture, or the blah blah blah whatever that gave you trouble in the past. You're still in the same moment as before, yet you're stronger and wiser. You find everything is better, you are better. You are awestruck because in this moment, everything is beautiful. And so, you triumph forward.
During the race (and in life) this moment is played out constantly. Rinse and repeat. However, it isn't until later (sometimes much later, if at all) that we can reflect and point at this experience to summarize its role. Furthermore to add to all the confusion, the experience serves a different meaning to different people. Someone could focus on the pain and miss the memo on all the positive. Someone could focus on the glaring metaphor and what it means that the pain and the limits, which we obey and follow the strictest, are often wrongly self-imposed. Someone could focus on the personal growth, the journey of self-discovery through overcoming obstacles. Someone could focus on the false dichotomy of the simultaneous toil and triumph.
Whatever the focus or the lesson learned, this experience inherently helps to understand aspects of the human condition. The experience is the beautiful struggle.
